Restart, Reset, Recalibrate
Lots of changes going on these days… all days, I guess. Change is life is change. Stagnancy is death. Not even sure what it is I want to say. I’m remembering old times. Back when blogging was a regular thing for me. It used to bring me… what? A sense of stability, maybe. It was an extension of journaling, I guess, but with the potential for an audience, so in that sense it was… self-censored. Tempered. A bit more thought-out, maybe. Though I also remember that every once in a while I would just close my eyes and type whatever came out.
Still, though, no tears flowed while blogging. Or none that I remember, anyway. Sometimes I had a point, I don’t know. Sometimes the point came out while doing the writing itself.
These days, let’s see. Well, I’ve been living on my own, by myself, for the very first time in my LIFE!! For context, I’m 51 years old, haha. That’s a loooong time of having shared my living space, but also, I’m realizing it’s very much a privilege to have the opportunity to live in a home by one’s self.
Let’s talk about my experience with that, then. Why not?
My solo-living period began late last August, if I remember correctly. It was kind of a messy time. Painful. Necessary. Talk about a recalibration!
The very first thing I did after officially being on my own was to buy some plants to replace the ones that had moved out. There’s a big window in my living room, overlooking the backyard, and it looked very sad and naked without its usual greenery. So I bought two giant plants and three smaller ones, and then when I got home, I realized that each of the giant ones actually consisted of three separate plants in each container, so I split ‘em up, giving me a total of 9 plants for about $100. One set of the big ones didn’t make it, though, in the end. But the other three are still thriving, and all the smaller ones are doing great, too.
Holy moly. I remember how much I like to ramble, haha. Forgive me as I try to settle back into a more refined blogging routine.
The point is, that—getting the plants and then splitting them up—was the first decision I made absolutely on my own. Without anybody else’s consideration, permission, opinion. And man… it felt good. Not that I have minded living with the others I have lived with. They have all been loved ones, thank goodness.
But living on your own… man, words don’t do it justice. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but for this particular introvert, it was H.E.A.V.E.N.!!!
I’m trying to think of specifics that I can share, haha. Did I walk around naked in my living room? Yes, on occasion. But that was only a minor perk. What was it that was so great? I got to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, without having to think about what anybody else wanted to eat. I don’t know why that was so important, but I guess it was just something I had never experienced before. So I could eat cereal every night, or scrambled eggs and beans for lunch, or ice cream for breakfast. Just kidding, I’m not really an ice cream person. But the point is, I COULD have had ice cream for breakfast, if I had wanted to. More often than not, it was toast and coffee on work mornings, or else coffee and Chips Ahoy.
I did start cooking more, and that was nice too. Nobody for me to worry—hold on, this is a complicated sentence. I got to cook without worrying about what anybody else might think regarding my cooking, my techniques, my flavorings… er, my food’s flavorings. Like I said, it’s hard to describe. It was just… so absolutely freeing.
I’m not sure why I’m speaking in the past tense. Maybe it’s because my elder daughter is going to move back in within the next few weeks, so I know this solo-living period of my life is nearly over. Also because currently, I can’t enjoy my alone time as much because the AC isn’t working at full capacity, so the only way to beat the heat is to basically stay STILL, either in a hammock in my art studio, or else in a hammock in the backyard—which, by the way, next to that giant window, is the second reason why I fell in love with this house in the first place.
I would say the months of September through December were 100% the BEST. Maybe that was because fall is my favorite season anyway, who knows. But also, stuff happened (politically and personally) in January that kind of took my mind off of solo-living… and ever since then, I guess I just haven’t had a chance to refocus.
Some things I was planning on doing during my solo-living period but never got the chance to (or never made the time for, I don’t know):
having a girls night sleepover with my buddies
having a work get-together
having a game night get-together
having a karaoke night
having a proper cookout
I did have one big family party to celebrate my younger daughter’s college graduation. That was nice. And, let’s see. Well, we had Christmas at my house. That was also very nice, very cozy. We got together to make Christmas tamales, haha. I’m hoping that becomes a yearly thing. :)
And I’ve had fun with my girls, with my sort-of-step-daughter, with individual friends on several occasions. And, daily, of course, with my current housemates: the dog, the cats, and the chickens.
It’s been a wonderful experience.
